An ancient royal bloodline in turmoil, a frustrated queen, a headstrong priestess, a questionable ally, and a thief.
I’m possibly starting a story here on this blog! Because no one even pays attention to it anymore and I think it’s safe to do so here.
And very likely, neither do you. I know how I feel at the present moment, right here and right now. But I won’t have any idea in maybe even over a year. One thing is for sure, I know I’ll GET a life. But for now, not having one is pretty damn exciting.
My heart is twisting, my palms are sweating. I blink through the liquid pouring down from my forehead where my hair is plastered down. I can smell my own fear as I lay here staring at the ceiling at night, counting the bumps one by one. The room is nearly empty, strange to think that only a week before it was filled to the brim with things upon stuff upon junk. I was up to my knees in it. My cat purrs in my ear and, rather than calm me, it sets my heart beating faster. I’ll miss her, intruding on my privacy at the worst times. I hug my blankets closer. Two days, I think to myself. Two days and I leave this town, this place. I have a new place to rest my head and sleep. I shiver, wiping my brow. A calm sets over me. A new place with new people. A chance to begin again. I sigh in relief. Won’t THAT be nice. To start all over again with my friendships and my interests. A place where no one KNOWS who I am, no one KNOWS any of my stories, no one has READ any of the things I’ve written, they’ve never heard what I think, they’ve never met me. Seen me. Anything. I can be unique somewhere, maybe, finally. I’m still riding a rollercoaster of emotions, but my boyfriend and Mom can feel safe knowing that I’ll be okay. I fall asleep knowing… I’ll be okay.
It’s like my chest is going to implode and cause a black hole to form inside it. Mass destruction.
It’s like I want to just yell and cry until you understand.
You’re so stubborn that I want to throw heavy objects at you, which is totally illogical because that won’t help you to agree with me.
I want to walk out and cool off, but we just keep yelling. Nothing is getting solved. I start to cry, you start feeling guilty. It’s a vicious circle, because then I get frustrated that you’re guilty and it starts a fight again.
It hurts me so badly that I feel like you’ll never understand. I have cried so many tears over so many pointless things, maybe BECAUSE they’re pointless.
Maybe we only fight because we care about each other, I don’t know.
One thing I do know for sure is this. I’m tired of fighting.
